The time has come for the narcissist to replace you. It’s been a long time coming, but you feel relief that you’re no longer the target. The victim. The person trapped.
You feel free, and you rejoice in it.
But when you were together, the narcissist denied you so much. You wanted and called out for love and affection, and yet they never arrived.
So why is it that you’re now seeing the narcissist give your replacement everything and more?
A Painful Time
I hate hearing about it almost as much as you hate experiencing it, but the hard truth is this:
The narcissist isn’t going to give you what you want. And when you part ways, you will see them offer it up to your replacement.
The warning signs in your head go off, and those thoughts surface. You know the ones…
I’m not good enough.
They never loved me.
I hate myself.
I’m never going to be happy.
Love was never meant for me.
There must be something fundamentally wrong with me.
These thoughts probably stem from an insecurity you’ve long had about yourself, that the narcissist has strongly exasperated.
It’s a painful time, and a hurtful way to feel as though every part of what you desired was just too much to ask for, for somebody like you.
If only you could be more like your replacement…
…Wrong!
I don’t ever want you to think that way. Your replacement is going to go through the same fake charm you went through when you met the narcissist, only they’re going to learn from you in order to please them more.
#1 To Make You Wrong
Whatever you previously told the world about the narcissist – they will erase it all.
They abused me.
They never listened.
They hated it when I saw my friends.
Your words will spread like wildfire, but they will ensure in their actions with your replacement that your words fall and fail.
How can I hate them seeing their friends when all (new flame) does is see theirs?
Do you see what I mean?
They denied you so much, but in refusing to deny their new interest, they also deny you of your truth.
It’s a sick world we live in, but it happens.
#2 To Devalue You
What a way to make you feel as worthless as possible. And let’s be a little honest here – it’s going to be easy to make someone with low self-worth feel even more worthless.
Coming out of a narcissistic relationship will always make you feel like you’ve battled in some kind of warzone without any weapons.
You’re emotionally – and sometimes physically – battered and bruised.
What’s worse is you now see their replacement receiving everything you ever wanted from them, and it’s likely going to be waved right in front of you.
The only reason somebody would be this cruel is to make you feel even worse.
#3 …And That Devaluation Confirms Your Fears…
It was never true love, but that ought to tell you one thing:
It was actually a waste of your time.
When a narcissist devalues you, they’re not devaluing you because you’re worthless. They’re doing it because they don’t care who they hurt, as long as they get what they want.
You have fears that you’re only good enough to hurt, and so you go along with their narrative that you aren’t lovable. Or nice. Or kind. Or worth it.
You punish yourself for not being the person they wanted you to be, when in actual fact, you were more.
You’re worth so much more.
#4 Love-Bombing The Replacement
It has to get off to a good start, so narcissists make their first impressions with somebody new as wild and exciting as it was for you.
The only difference is, it’s not you. Whatever you wanted while you were together, they denied you and are now freely handing them over to your replacement in the name of love…
…But you know it’s just a shallow attempt to charm.
It works for a little while, but like everything with the narcissist, it will wear off. The mask will slip.
Reality will rear its ugly head. The narcissist will eventually move on yet again.
Do you remember what the narcissist said or did during the love-bomb phase for you?
I bet it makes you shudder with regret at the mere thought.
Love-bombing can be:
All the ways the narcissist tells you that you’re the best thing to ever happen to them.
Taking you out for expensive meals.
Listening to every word you say, and every secret you have to tell.
Promising to take care of you.
Telling you that you’re The One.
Texting or calling frequently to allow for some kind of constant contact that you grow reliant on.
Sending you flowers.
Telling you they love you very early on in the relationship.
Moving too quickly physically.
Love-bombing is designed to throw you off your path, like being whipped up in a tornado. You don’t have time to really think, you just know that it’s moving fast and you’re going along with it.
The love part is how you grow to love it – and them.
#5 Learning From You: The Practice Run
As much as I really don’t like to say it, sometimes you just are the practice run.
They want to try it all with you, see what works and what doesn’t, and remember how it all goes for the next time round.
Mistakes they make when trying to charm and seduce can be fixed with your replacement so the same mistake doesn’t happen twice, and they can really perfect their toxic game playing strategies.
I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it is the confirmation you need that they never really loved you.
It felt real, I get it. They said they loved you and couldn’t stand the thought of being without you.
These are all tests to see how you react, what works, and what doesn’t work.
You’re like a project to the narcissist. They study you and see what exactly they can do better the next time around, and when that opportunity arises, they go for it.
The replacement to some extent will have the same applied to them, but you will see them receive things you didn’t.
It hurts when you put your faith into a relationship that was never destined to take flight.
It’s in these kinds of lessons we need to learn our worth and head into our next relationship looking for authentic characters who only want to love and care for us.
